And that's where I went wrong

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Sometimes it feels down, even when the surroundings are quite usual. Having a favourite food doesn't make you excited about your favourite person's presence. Nothing seems promising like everything is falling apart. My heart often utters at midnight "Hell, I want to go far away from all this. I can't tolerate more." However, my feet are bound with the honour of family, what a wonderful bond it is!

Each time, it continues for hours and days, and likewise, it becomes a manner to live with this suffocation. Sufferings remain unnoticed for years, and desires go disobeyed often. Yet I have to live. Wait wait, I want to ask, " For whom do I have to live? For myself or the family ?" 

But I couldn't ask anyone because it's out of a generous child's space. by hook or crook, I have to be on the threshold of a good child. If I step out of this then only god knows what will happen next. It always feels like I am caged in my comfortable place. 

And I realized then that having food, shelter, dress, family, and friends is not always enough to live. There is something else to live, these are just for survival not for living.

One day I was tired of all this and tried finding out where I had gone wrong; and why it was happening to me! There are so many others who are very happy. Why? My introspection directed me to "You were never wrong". Then the question was raised "Why me!". In between some folks also told me, "You had expectations that's why it took place. You are expecting the world to be fair." I asked myself if it was true, am I ignoring this truth, and then the reply came " No you are not like this, Never."

But after days I acknowledged I was ignoring reality for a long. in reality I never had expectations from anyone. but my soul is enclosed by abundant expectations from family, relatives, friends, teachers, etc. I had to live a life of their choice. Whether that is in dress, food, job, studies, or anything else. They decided what would work for me; even when they didn't know what I was. Barely members of family or friends know the real you. Hours of interaction are not enough to get someone. Even if they understand me, they just notice what I express to them but not what I wish. It's not easy to share your dream castle with everyone.

I wanted to make satisfied every one of them eventually, but I forgot to keep my choices over them. Following their dreams was tough, but they may decide the best for me. But not what's right. Agreeing with them was not something I was supposed to but the cruelty of truth took me there. I lost myself and that's where I went wrong. It's always a side of the coin that will tail, may you agree or not. Like everyone will judge every step you take. and I took their way to live while dwelling in mine would be easier.