A Forgotten Memory

Credit: Pixabay

You must be okay! 

Haven't spoke in a while. I'm mising listening to your daily rants. I still come back home and sit at my cozy place ; stare the moon. I get up , go to work, return to home, everything seems seamless. I have started yoga, painting and resumed my blogging too. I know you never read any of my writings. i dont write anyone to read me; but once in a while i wanted you to read my words. you know its 18 today.still the midnight stroke of 19 Jan every year reminds me to forget this day. but i coouldn't have do it till now. do you remember the last year evening ! we were planning to meet. anyways leave. if you'll ever read then know i still remember you, every tiny love and hurts remind me of you. every time someone chooses any other over me; i feel the same hurt twice. Anytime someone talks about January my mind suddenly recalls the date 19 only. Its like new years, januaries, resolutions come and go. You also left like the shievring winter of december still i crave that winter badly. And someone would surely ask Why? What happened that day, it's completely awkward to admit that it's something I am trying hard to forget. It would be thoroughly weird to confess that there was a time when I used to be more excited on this day, I hope someone could never imagine my excitement. With my knees down,  waiting for the clock to strike 12 and wishing you first was my foremost goal for the day then. Celebrating even when you were not around was no less than any madness. Writing letters, collecting pictures, and shouting your favorite songs were some of the fortunate memories anyway I had. Prior to these tough and rough days, things are not the same anymore. The calendar alters, the clock rolls, the day appears, and the night finishes but neither I am waiting to wish nor you are waiting to celebrate. but i admit i check your birthday photos, your favourite flavour of cake, the spillted cake on your face, your friends, your family, your love. 

you know Wishing for someone with all your heart is a tough responsibility, but it becomes tougher when the person isn't yours or not even ever going to be. It's rigorous when all the feelings and memories come up to your mind and you are confused about what to write and what not to. Especially when you have hostile memories attached to that person. The abundance of memories frequently hits the mind though devastated trust doesn't take a chance to humiliate self-respect again. The promises they broke still remind us not to urge faith again to go on with the words we had one day.

It's been an unfulfilled wish, I should have asked you, " Have you ever looked up at the stars in amazement of their beauty? " That’s the way I always cherished you. Every time I try hard that you won't miss any of my concerns towards you but I could never catch up with you. Neither even you ever tried to.

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Anyway, i still wish I could loved you like you do.