The Lost Friendship

                                            

Credit: Unsplash

 

Oh Hi! Can I ask you something?

do you still have the same level of friendship with your "Forever imagining best" friend? 

If yes, then this post is not for you be; and I must say you are so lucky! keep the bond alive at any cost. good wishes. but if someone can't get over their lost friendship. I want to share something with you.

because recently I have been this through. though it's always a long process before moving on from someone but one day you decide not to give them a chance again. you completely move them out of your sight mind and heart.

okay so, from school days I never had best friends or a particular group to hang out with. I had good relations with everyone. the same thing goes for intermediate and graduation too. I had some very good people around me who were extremely kind helpful and good. but the one with trust issues is me always. if I feel a sensible negative joke on me or my things, I just move out of the space. some people will call it not tolerant towards critique but I consider my life is not a space for others to judge me. it's all on me. though I always have been a sociable person, who loves making new friends, no, not the kind of social butterfly everyone wants to be friends with me but something like people do feel emotionally safe around me. they do share their things and I always have been an avid understanding listener. Even though I trust someone fully, I never get enough courage to share everything with them. maybe because some childhood traumas never let me do this. but the exception I met one of my friends in college days through social media. I started sharing most things with her and she did too. we restored the bond and soon our good friendship turned into the best one. the wonderful days made me believe that I can trust someone. I felt were inseparable. we were family.

time flies, we grew up to adults so our friendships became more mature. now we don't talk about inches of life. texts? busy. video calls? barely. I missed hugging you tight and crying hard about my failures and heartbreaks but I never felt as if you ever missed me but it's okay. huh, don't judge okay! we were busy with our careers, more mature and understanding. before it sounded too mature to keep the friendship on but then a day came when I needed her she wasn't there. I waited. She didn't respond but she was busy uploading updates on social media. no, I wasn't jealous but hurt. why? because for her once I did come out of my limits, I expected the minimum support. now the question why expectations? bro Gen-z calls why expectations but it's the bare minimum thing we deserve man!!! it's not expectations. it's what we deserve. though I'm okay and it's fine. 

Again one day I knew about her relationship status which was a week old, no I didn't know her butterflies, her excitement, or her first experience of dating. it's fine again. maybe she was too busy or she wasn't ready to share this with me. too much understanding let me ignore that she wasn't the same one I knew. it may sound weird but I was okay with the fact that adult friendships are difficult. they demand understanding and maturity. I tried giving my best. I tried feeling the same but it didn't happen. the distance was too wide to cover up. Apart from this, we didn't get time for 10 minutes a day to share how our day even. lives became so tiresome I started how she doing on social media. but it was enough that one day I got to know something about myself from a  mutual friend that was a secret between us only. that day I could not be understanding and mature, not able to carry adult friendships. I'm just done. it took me days to accept the truth. I cried like hell, not because something that people get to know was a secret but because the only friend I had ever was no more mine. I lost a bond I considered forever. someone who never ever dared to carry on friendships now losing her only bond. My mental health was sucked; whether it was my bad luck or I'm not good enough or I'm not a good friend. self-doubt was heavy on me. excelling in academics, being around new people, hobbies, and family nothing could fill her void.

After a few weeks, one fine day when I saw her sharing her best friend's birthday post, writing the paragraphs she used to do for me; I felt I was never the one. I realized it was no one's fault. people do outgrow, people do change with needs, with the environment and with time. Growing up sometimes means leaving people behind. You can't just force a relationship, not your friend, not your mate, not your loved ones literally on no one. because your outgrown best ones are chasing something they like, spending time with someone they love. it will absolutely hurt but making peace with it will resolve the self-doubt. you are enough for someone, who needs you wants you and loves you. you'll never have to prove your worth to someone. but sometimes I wonder do you ever will think about me? about how you lost a bond, may not be the best but did lose. Will you miss calling me your close friend, will you miss sharing secrets with me, though you have now your new friends and boyfriend too, but if I ever knew it'd end so bad I would have hugged you, eaten your favourite food, spent some time together at your favourite place and bid you goodbye with a smile !!! now all I can do is cry into a pillow, miss you, and assume that will you ever try restoring our bond and if I could ever give you the space I had shared.

So sweetheart! I can understand what you're going through right now but believe me if a sensitive person can move out of someone then you can also. Okay! Don't worry someday someone will come into your life and will stay. no not to heal you to love you. till then take care of yourself. there are so many people out there who love you. oh oh oh don't worry every love doesn't need to be declared hann... you can feel their support any time you feel low. 

lots of love!